Possible New Inventions

Pretty frequently I come up with some great inventions and ideas while I am driving around town. These are some great ideas and I'm sure that they will change the world and make me a very famous man! Unfortunatley, I do a prety bad job of remembering my ideas so nothing has become of my amazing concoctions so far. I have decided to make a change, however, that will greatly benefit mankind. Yesterday I got a new cell phone with a great notepad feature that enables me to start recording some of my uncanny new ideas.

Last night was my first night harnessing the river of great new inventions through my cell phone. Here are the ideas that I recorded:

Tugboat jousting: A fantastic new sport!! 2 Tugboats racing head on with 100 foot lances drawn! Can you imagine the great carnage and wreckage!? Americans would eat it up. It would sell more tickets than Nascar!

Camoflauge golfball: This would be a gag gift for a golfer who always hits into the rough. They'd sell this kind of gag at novelty stores and it would probably show up on the rack next to the "Over the Hill" gifts. I'd better patent the idea fast before Spencers steals it.

Shocking Neckless for the Missus: For moments when the wife is too engaged to divert her attention, this necklace would apply electric shocks to redirect her attention to her very attention deserving husband. I just ordered the cattle prod parts for the prototype. Stephanie will serve as the first test subject.

Legless Segway: Segways could be modified to allow people without legs (people who were tragically separaged from their legs) to be mobile while being held in a normal standing position. In effect, the segway would serve as their legs. Here's the best part: If a recreational segway sells for $7,000.00, that means a medically modified segway would have to sell for $700,000!!! I am going to be rolling in it.

Limberger Firecase: Limberger Cheeze is entirely underutilized as a means of expression in today's prank culture. I attribute this mainly to the unfortunate odor during times when the Limburger is not being used. A Firecase is needed with a breakable glass door and a hammer for times when the Limberger is needed. Since the glass would form a hermetic seal, the Limberger would not present an odor problem (until you break the glass, of course) and the Limber would be conviently accessible for moments when Limberger is needed for pelting or placement in your brother's luggage.

And Finally: Zamboni Jousting! Much like the tugboat jousting, but on ICE!! You could do this between periods at hockey games. Ticket sales will triple!!!!

As you can see, I am really on to something here. It's only a matter of time before I am a household name.

House Hunters

First the bad news: We got word this week that the buyer for our old house was rejected by their lender and therefore couldn't buy our house. This means we have to put the house back on the market to find a new buyer. This whole house selling extravaganza has been pretty frusterating. The house has been for sale for almost 5 months now, and still no sale.

Now the good news: HGTV has a show called 'House Hunters' that features home buyers checking out different houses and then deciding what house they want to buy. Really it's a pretty lame show, but we find ourselves watching it when there's absolutely nothing else on TV. Stephanie was watching the show 2 nights ago and was amazed when the show featured the house that we just bought!! Freakin' amazing!

If anyone is interested in seeing our house I think it comes on tonight (Saturday) at 7:30. Our house is the 2nd house featured. The tudor style on the marsh.

New House Escapades

It's been a while since I posted because of all the moving that has been going on. Two weeks ago we packed everything up and had a few friends come by to help us move into the new house.

Moving is never fun for obvious reasons. But I must say that there was a highlight to us moving this time. We rented a big-ass yellow van to load all of our stuff into and that sucker was dynamite!! It was by far the biggest vehicle I have ever ripped up on the road and it even had a great hydraulic lift to help you load stuff in the back. As an added bonus the driver's seat had a pneumatic lift that you could actuate to get the perfect driving position. Too cool.

We've been slowly unpacking things but we have a long way to go before we are quite 'settled'.

There is so much work that has to be done on the new place before we finally reach a cruising point for happy living. Walls must be painted, wall paper has to come down (not in that order), hedges have to trimmed and the armadillos must be controlled (long story...must use mothballs).

Steph and I picked out a yellowish color for the living room walls. Officially the color is 'summer moon' but I didnt' think that would ring a bell with anyone. Yesterday we cleared the room, taped it up, and painted the walls. It turned out to be a pretty big job, but I'm really pleased with the results. We'll have to post some pictures after we finish painting the trim. We get better at painting each time we paint a new room. This is the 8th room that we have painted in just the past three years!!

Next weekend is Easter and we are having my parents come to visit. Stephanie has been buying funny trinkets and candy to fill the easter eggs for the easter hunt. We've been racking our brains trying to think of great prankish ideas for the eggs. What are some other good ideas? Limburger Cheese?

Me and the great Penske!