Possible New Inventions

Pretty frequently I come up with some great inventions and ideas while I am driving around town. These are some great ideas and I'm sure that they will change the world and make me a very famous man! Unfortunatley, I do a prety bad job of remembering my ideas so nothing has become of my amazing concoctions so far. I have decided to make a change, however, that will greatly benefit mankind. Yesterday I got a new cell phone with a great notepad feature that enables me to start recording some of my uncanny new ideas.

Last night was my first night harnessing the river of great new inventions through my cell phone. Here are the ideas that I recorded:

Tugboat jousting: A fantastic new sport!! 2 Tugboats racing head on with 100 foot lances drawn! Can you imagine the great carnage and wreckage!? Americans would eat it up. It would sell more tickets than Nascar!

Camoflauge golfball: This would be a gag gift for a golfer who always hits into the rough. They'd sell this kind of gag at novelty stores and it would probably show up on the rack next to the "Over the Hill" gifts. I'd better patent the idea fast before Spencers steals it.

Shocking Neckless for the Missus: For moments when the wife is too engaged to divert her attention, this necklace would apply electric shocks to redirect her attention to her very attention deserving husband. I just ordered the cattle prod parts for the prototype. Stephanie will serve as the first test subject.

Legless Segway: Segways could be modified to allow people without legs (people who were tragically separaged from their legs) to be mobile while being held in a normal standing position. In effect, the segway would serve as their legs. Here's the best part: If a recreational segway sells for $7,000.00, that means a medically modified segway would have to sell for $700,000!!! I am going to be rolling in it.

Limberger Firecase: Limberger Cheeze is entirely underutilized as a means of expression in today's prank culture. I attribute this mainly to the unfortunate odor during times when the Limburger is not being used. A Firecase is needed with a breakable glass door and a hammer for times when the Limberger is needed. Since the glass would form a hermetic seal, the Limberger would not present an odor problem (until you break the glass, of course) and the Limber would be conviently accessible for moments when Limberger is needed for pelting or placement in your brother's luggage.

And Finally: Zamboni Jousting! Much like the tugboat jousting, but on ICE!! You could do this between periods at hockey games. Ticket sales will triple!!!!

As you can see, I am really on to something here. It's only a matter of time before I am a household name.